If ever a city were in a need of a concise recounting of its history, it is Istanbul. Properly told, its story fills multiple volumes of heavy tomes. But we’re too busy for detail or nuance, and so have distilled the past of one of the world’s most historic cities into a ridiculous list of easily digestible highlights. Students of Mrs. Dent’s sixth-grade history class: you’re welcome! Academics and graduate students: you might want to look elsewhere.